Having spent a whole day on the motorway a couple of weeks ago, I came to a few conclusions of my own, then did a little research into it.
I wasn't surprised to find that car makers employ their own psychological profiling to market their cars, known in the trade as psychographics. Some of the information that manufacturers gather can be quite specific, for instance, did you know that Honda Civic owners like to vacuum their garage? Well, I always suspected it, and I bet it doesn't surprise you! At the other end of the market, in the USA at least, the owner of a Porsche 911 is most likely to be aged 51 and either a doctor or a lawyer. Either way, best avoided at parties.
General Motors say the Cadillac Escalade means:
"You speak your mind and are unapologetic. You enjoy life and do a lot of entertaining. You seize life's opportunities. You think, "I have to be out doing something. I want to accomplish something." You take risks. You would rather fail than not try."Strange, it doesn't mention that if you own an Escalade you are either a gangsta or a tosser, maybe both.
There are some stereotypes that appear to be mostly true when it comes to cars: it would be true to say that owners of "Chevrolets" [the old Daiwoo, not the actual American motors] don't care what they drive, they just need transport (if you've ever driven one you'll know this is true).
To paraphrase the Top Gear team, anybody that drives a BMW is a cock; I don't have an issue with BMW's in general, I know they are very nice cars to drive, but I'm not keen on the aspirational image they portray, and I know for a fact that as soon as people step into a BMW they become selfish and aggressive - if you're trying to turn right across a traffic jam the car parked across the junction will invariably be a BMW. But there is one type of BMW that I really don't understand: the X series of 4x4 "SUV".
For sure I've always suspected that the buyer of an X5 is a bit of a prick. they obviously think their vehicle is the most aspirational car on the planet, after all, why else would you spend a minimum of 40 grand on a 4x4 that gets stuck on the school playing field during sports day? Now before you start spouting figures at me, I know that most 4x4's don't go offroad, not even as far as the grass verge! But I'm sure a 4X4 owner would at least like to think that they could get to work if there's a dusting of snow; after all, if your nan's Subaru Justy, or even your cleaner's mini can do it, your X5 should be able to, surely?
Nope, not a chance! After a sudden snow storm a couple of years ago, the traffic on the A40 near me was still moving, albeit carefully, apart from a couple of X5's that had got stuck at a slight (and by slight I mean a pimple) incline, and had to be pushed off the road so that lesser vehicles could continue their journey!
Then there's the X6. I guess people who buy an X6 think they're more individual than the owner of an X5. Yes they really are extra special.
If there's a discrepancy between how X6 owners see their choice of car and how others see it, that's nothing to those poor unfortunates who invested in an X3 to improve their image; I have worked out a formula for this, and it goes thus:
a) anybody that drives a BMW X5 is a complete cock;
b) anybody that drives a BMW X6 is a delusional cock;
c) and anyone that drives a BMW X3 are completely delusional cocks.
I'm going to stick my neck out here: in my opinion, no-one would buy an X3 out of choice. I believe not one person would ever say "I bought the X3 cos it's 'nippier' and more suitable for me."
The fact is, a BMW X3 is what people buy when they want an X5 but can't afford it.
Having said that, I think the X3 is genuinely aspirational, in the sense of "not made it", the owners are probably insanely, perhaps psychopathically, jealous of X5 owners.
But, X3 owners, don't despair, for I bring tidings of joy and goodwill: don't envy X5 owners; take your green-eyed, monster goggles off and pity them. Yes, that's right. You see, actually the X3 is just as luxurious, nearly as roomy, not nearly as bad in trickier driving conditions, and a better all-round ride, according to some. Not to mention pots cheaper (not that the money argument cuts much ice with the aspirational "look how much I spent" types).
So next time someone tells you (know doubt with a suitable - if tiny - amount of pride) they drive an X5, fix them with your most sympathetic stare and say "Oh, you poor thing, would you like me to drive you to sports day?
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