Move Over Princess Di there's a new corpse in town- A Eulogy

It would seem that I was wrong about Jade Goody.

You see, I always thought she was a self-serving, self-absorbed, fat, ugly, irritating, racist and foul-mouthed Essex girl.

It turns out that not only was she the standard bearer for every other fat, ugly, irritating chavette with a rare command of expletive English, but she was also a saint in the making, whose canon will surely be fired by Pope Ratzenburger himself.

Surely we can number her among the great philanthropists - after all, she had the looks of Mother Theresa. Unlike Mother Theresa she tirelessly self-promoted all the way to her deathbed to give her children a decent education (or enough money to employ Max Clifford to enable their own self-promotion), and her husband the opportunity to shine in her reflected tarnish.

This glorious polished turd, this beacon of mundanity, calls to the celebrity in all of us:-

put down that gutted fish, remove your uniform of corporate deprivation and heed the gospel according to Saint Jade.
You too could be a rich A-lister if only you were just a little more irritating, just a little stupider, and - dare I say, just a little more pikey.

Amen.

In the words of the great Daniel J. Boorstin (no, I don't know who that is either), "Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire PR officers."

Oh and by the way, when people go on about how her plight has brought the need for screenings to the general public blah blah, remember the money she has earned in exchange for her very public demise would probably go a long way towards curing cancer if it was donated to a research charity. Even Jordan, the most famous non-celebrity in the British Isles found Jade Goody's publicity uncomfortable

Edit: I hear Jordan has been barred from attending Jade's funeral. What I say is: meh.

Auction Sniper